The role of husband and father is stepped into flippantly these days. Too many men across the land take on this role without thinking of the divine privilege and responsibility it carries, resulting in a careless conduct while occupying its position. We must look to the Scriptures to see what entails the role of a husband and father in a family. Since God created the role of husband and father, God takes it very seriously. One day, when this life on earth is over, God will judge us for the lives we have lived for his namesake. Will that include the roles we filled as fathers and husbands? Certainly. God will hold us accountable and review our lives as fathers and husbands. We must view these sacred positions with holy reverence since they come from a Holy God.  

 

Let’s first start out by clarifying this basic truth.

 

Only one man can occupy the office of a husband and father in the family unit. In our culture, there are many people in the world who have fallen in the category of "reprobate minds," as Paul discusses in Romans, who claim that there can be two husbands in a marital union, and two men can serve as fathers in a family. Our sinful world has adapted to the mindset that it is "good and well" for a family to consist of two men who are married to each other to serve as husbands and fathers simultaneously. Scripture does not acknowledge this, for it is not God’s pattern of a holy family unit. Let me make it perfectly clear that God’s will for marriage is this: one man and one wife, together for life. That is God’s will for marriage, and He told them this in the Garden of Eden: "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Gen. 2:24).

 

As for the family, it is God’s will for the husband and the wife to have a family! Though the world may scoff at having children and label it as an "unnecessary burden," God instructed Adam to have children: "And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth" (Gen. 1:28).

 

According to the Scriptures, it is God’s will for a man to become a husband by marrying a woman and reproduce to become a father. That is the biblical order of marriage and family. These are divine blessings that God has given to man to enjoy! Therefore, these blessed positions are to be viewed in a holy manner and those who occupy these positions should thank God for the blessings He has allowed them to enjoy by His own grace! How glorious!

 

We will continue to use Adam as an example frequently in this article as we discuss the role of husband and father. 

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What Should We Know if We Want to be Godly Husbands and Fathers?

As we ponder on these things, we need to ask the questions:​

What characteristics are seen in the roles of godly husbands and fathers?

What made Adam a husband anyways?

 

Adam was made a husband when God gave him something to cleave to:

 

"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." (Gen. 2:18)

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"And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man." (Gen. 2:21–22)

 

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Love for His Family: Loving His Wife

What a beautiful image we find in that God provided Adam a lovely bride. Another thing we see is his love and adoration for his new bride when he lays his eyes on her: "And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man" (Gen. 2:23).

 

Adam loved his wife so dear that he took it upon himself to even name her! (Gen. 3:20). Plainly, Scripture teaches us that the first divine characteristic in a husband’s life is love for his wife. Love is an important attribute to have in the Christian life anyways. Jesus said that’s how people would know that we follow Him (John 13). Paul said it’s a fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5). Scripturally speaking, husbands are to love their wives:

 

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it;" (Eph 5:25)

 

"So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself." (Eph. 5:28)

 

"Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." (Col. 3:19)

 

"Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." (1 Pet. 3:7)

 

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Love For His Family: Loving His Children

Pertaining to his children, love should also be found in the heart of the father. This is demonstrated in how God the Father loved and adored His Son. Friends, this goes without saying, but fathers should love their children. A father should love his children in how he treats their relationship. There are a lot of manipulating fathers in today’s world who just want to throw their weight around and it causes strife with their children. A godly father takes care of his relationship with his children and nurtures them correctly:

 

"And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." (Eph. 6:4)

 

 "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged." (Col. 3:21)

 

I’m hooked on the phrase Paul used in this verse. He said "provoke not your children to wrath/anger." Too many fathers emotionally abuse their children by being rigid and domineering, causing the child to resent them. This is not the way biblical fatherhood is structured. Though the father is the head of the home, this does not allow for unreasonable demands and conduct that would cause his children to feel anger towards him. The father is to love his children in a way that considers their desires and welfare. He is to establish a healthy bond with his children, putting their needs above his own. Above all, the father must love them enough to “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” He must love them enough to instruct them in the commands of God:

 

 "My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck." (Prov. 1:8-9)

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He also must love his child enough to bring discipline, when it is necessary.

 

"He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

(Prov. 13:24)

 

It’s also obvious from the Scriptures that husbands are to love their wives. Now, we need to consider the meaning and application of the word "love." In Ephesians 5:25, love in the original Greek language is known as agape (agapaō/agape). This type of love, in the context of Scripture, is a divine love. Paul tells the husbands to love "as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for it." I think it’s fair to say that husbands are to love their wives sacrificially, constantly, willfully, joyfully, and humbly. A big component of this love can be seen in the sacrificial and humble aspect. Loving our wives and children sacrificially and humbly points back to what Paul said in Philippians 2 regarding a humble life as a servant. 

 

 "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves." (Phil. 2:3)

 

We must remember that love is an action word. Just as Christ’s love for the church was manifested in action through His sacrifice, the husband’s love for his wife and children should also be demonstrated in the way he treats them. A husband’s love involves loving his family enough to lay down his life for them, provide for them, protect them, and to lead them. 

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Men are to lead their families by example, a biblical to be exact! The late Baptist minister Voddie Baucham once stated that there are Four P’s regarding the husband office: Prophet, Priest, Provider, and Protector. A husband must lead his family by the biblical example:

 

• Priest: A biblical priest was a man that served God devoutly. The priest interceded before God on behalf of his people and lead them in the ways of the Lord. A godly husband is to do the same for his wife and children. He is to pray fervently for his family and cry out to God on their behalf. A key verse to clutch onto is what Paul told the Thessalonians, "pray without ceasing" (1 Thess. 5:17).

 

• Prophet: A biblical prophet was a man handpicked by God to make known to the people what God’s word said and to lead them in His ways. The husband is to do the same but he can only do it if he has knowledge of the Word. Let’s remind ourselves of what Paul told Timothy: "study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needed not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth" (2 Tim. 2:15).

 

• Protector: A protector is someone that protects his people from any harm or danger that may be lurking. The husband has the charge to protect his family at all costs.

 

• Provider: When a person provides, he does it because he sees what his people needs and works by doing anything he can to meet that need. The husband is given the role of being the provider of the home. He should have a good work ethic and be willing to do any job, big or small, to supply for his family’s needs. Scripture teaches that a man should work to provide for his family: "For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat" (2 Thess. 3:10); "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel" (1 Tim. 5:8).

 

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Instruction

Leading a family biblically is done in two ways: 1) by teaching and presenting the Lord’s commands to follow. 2) By walking in them as a living example. The Scriptures teach that both members of the parental unit are responsible for teaching their children the Word of God:

 

"And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up." (Deut. 6:6–7)

 

 "And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up." (Deut. 11:19)

 

Focusing on the father, his role is to take God’s Word and open it to his family with a heart filled with great devotion to leading them in the ways of God’s truth. To do this, we must remember that it takes a sacrifice of time and passive extracurricular things.

 

Turn off the TV.

Put away the cellphone.

Open the Bible and instruct your family in the ways of God.

 

Too many children grow up without a basic knowledge of God because the parental unit has neglected the private hour of worship and devotion within the family home. Husbands, it’s our responsibility to teach our families the Word. We must take it seriously. Let us remember to not only proclaim it but to practice it. If our family sees that we take the Word seriously, so will they.

 

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Leadership

Leadership is a necessity in the family, and that responsibility has been given primarily to the husband. Though it is unpopular to say in this culture it is still scriptural, the husband is the head of the family:

 

"But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God." (1 Cor. 11:3)

 

 "For the husband is the head of the wise, even as Christ is the head of the church: and is the savior of the body." (Eph. 5:23)

 

It’s already been discussed that the husband is the priest of the home. The high priest was known to intercede for the people on their behalf. What a beautiful image this is! A father to intercede in prayer on behalf of his family. Not only is this a glorious thing to do, but it’s a divine responsibility.

 

Men, do you intercede for your family?

Do you pray for your children?

 

The role of a priest was also for spiritual advising. The father should always be able to fill the role of a spiritual advisor in the home, always pointing to the Word of God for resolution to life’s problems. 

 

Through being a priest, prophet, provider, protector, leader, and the gentle refuge for the family, the husband’s life ultimately points to the character of God the Father—and He is glorified. And when this occurs, what can be a bigger blessing to have?

 

Are you a husband that lives in such a way where God is glorified and the family is blessed? Do you have a father in your life that lives this way?

 

If you do, then give thanks to the Lord!