In a time where inflamed passions dictate actions and speech, the Word of God, John Calvin, and the example of our fathers in the faith call us to act and speak with propriety — especially on the occasion of a faithful leader’s death.

 

In an age where algorithms reward vitriol, the virtue of propriety has been largely abandoned. While the word may sound like a relic of a bygone era of powdered wigs, Scripture and our Reformed forefathers upheld propriety as an essential mark of maturity and godliness. When a good and faithful leader passed away earlier this week, the responses from many outside the church, including many among God’s people, revealed a grave lack of propriety. Some penned hit pieces disguised as eulogies, others leveraged the moment of his death to air theological grievances against his Calvinism, his eschatology, or some other disagreement. What these reactions in the hours proceeding a faithful saint’s death have in common is their loss of any sense of propriety.  

 

Propriety: Understanding the Times and Knowing What to Do

Propriety concerns behavior and speech that fits the occasion. Propriety is not a cowardice that never acts or speaks sharply or critically, but a sense that both time and place play a role in determining what is fitting. 

 

Paul appeals to propriety when considering such practical matters as how a man or woman is to dress for the Lord's Day (1 Corinthians 11:13). The Corinthians should judge for themselves: is their appearance fitting to the nature of a man? Is it fitting to the nature of a woman? Paul warns in Romans 1:28 that when people “did not see fit to acknowledge God,” God gave them up to do that which is not fitting, thus descending into greater ungodliness. Calvin echoed this descent when he said that decorum and propriety hold society together and prevents men from spiraling into contempt and chaos. 

 

The teacher of Ecclesiastes says there's a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:3), and the wisdom of Proverbs extends such propriety to the use of our words. Like the men of Issachar who understood the times and knew what Israel should do (1 Chron. 12:32), the virtue of propriety has a sense of what time it is and what words fit the occasion. Proverbs praises, “a word fitly spoken” as “apples of gold” (Prov. 25:11) while regarding a woman who lacks discretion as “a ring in a pig’s snout” (11:22). For a Christian, propriety of speech flows from a heart of wisdom that fears God and speaks, or keeps silent, not rashly or cowardly, but discerningly and honorably. 

 

Impropriety: Settling Scores in the House of Mourning

In the hours after a faithful Christian leader’s death, propriety does not erase any and all disagreements, rendering them inconsequential post-mortem, but it does understand the time and place. Death is not an occasion to score points. The funeral home is not the place for settling scores. Propriety has a place for a serrated edge, but it recognizes that tool belongs in a debate hall — not in the house of mourning.

 

When David learned of Saul’s death, though Saul was his enemy, David honored him with a lament, praising what was “mighty” and “beloved” of him without any disclaimers (2 Sam. 1:17-27). Alexander the Great was not a Christian, but legend has it that when one of his greatest rivals, Darius III, was betrayed by his own commander and died, Alexander had such a sense of propriety that he called for a royal funeral fitting for the Persian King. If David found it fitting to honor his adversary, as well as the pagan Alexander,, how much more should Christians show honor to faithful brothers and sisters and fathers in Christ in their time of passing? 

 

A Call to Return to Propriety

In a time where inflamed passions dictate actions and speech, the Word of God, John Calvin, and the example of our fathers in the faith call us to respond and speak with propriety — especially on the occasion of a faithful leader’s death. We can begin by considering before God and according to the occasion, “Is it fitting?” It is fitting to honor Christian leaders in their death — not by denying their flaws, or canonizing them as mediators — but by magnifying Christ’s work in and through them. Against a backdrop of vitriol, may our words be timely and our responses be fitting to every occasion. When a Christian leader passes, let us mourn with hope, rejoice in their homecoming, commend and imitate their faith, and trust God’s justice in Christ for their failings.

Propriety may have fallen by the wayside in our day, but it’s time for all who desire to live godly, dignified, and upright lives in Christ to bring it back.